The hardest decision of my life

Will I put my trust in Jesus?  No brainer.
Will I say "I do" to Kimberly?  Absolutely.
Will I answer the call to full-time ministry? Yep.
Have kids? Move? Buy a house? Buy a truck/car/van?  Yes, yes, yes & yes/yes/yes.

"Can this newborn girl be placed in your home?"  Well, I don't know.

For those of you that don't know our story, we are a foster family.  We've had 3 girls biologically, and we're in the process of adopting our son.  The little girl that is heavy on our hearts is from the same birth mom as our son.

My heart wants to say "yes" because we know the life she'll likely have if she stays with her mom (spoiler alert: it won't be good).  I also want to say "yes" because I know what my family could offer her.  We're happily married and love kids, we have great kids that would love her & play with her, we have extremely supportive families and an awesome local church (Wayside Chapel, for those of you looking for a place to call home in the San Antonio area).  Not to mention, fostering/adopting is a great thing to do (it even says so in the Bible).  So this is a no brainer, right?

Then my head hears this crazy talk coming from my heart.  My head goes on to tell the following jokes:
- Q: What is broken up before 7 hours? A: Hollywood marriages and/or a night of sleep for you and your wife!
- Your wife is tired from chasing around the dark haired kid that is always hungry and screams a lot...not to mention she's tired from chasing your son too!

All cheesy jokes aside, we're really tired.  For nearly five years we've been changing diapers, wiping noses, midnight feeding and doing all the other tasks that come with parenting.  My head says we've put in our time raising our kids (and technically someone else's too, even though we consider him ours) and it's time to invest in your marriage, family, ministry, personal health and community a little more.

So here I am, assuming we get the phone call, facing the hardest decision of our lives.  There are a lot of pros and cons that I'm not going to get into.  I don't want that to be the focus of this blog or our decision.

In a weird way, we already love this little girl that hasn't even been born and is currently in the belly of another woman that we've never met.  But the hardest part is deciding what's best for our family right now.  Honestly, I don't feel like I give my wife enough quality time.  I'm ashamed to say that dates, gifts and meaningful conversations are rare.  Also, I rarely get one-on-one time with one of my kids unless it's driving them to the doctor.  Would adding another child, although a good and noble thing to do, be the healthiest and best decision for my marriage and family?

I guess the point in all this is that I need your prayer.  I want my friends and readers to know that I don't have it all together.  I have great intentions sometimes, but I also have very selfish thoughts.  I'll admit to you that I've thought about praying for the phone call not to come so we won't have to make the decision, but rather it will be made for us.  But I know that means the little girl is either with her unstable family or a random foster family, and I'm not ok with either of those options.

My wife and I are torn.  Split 50/50.  As the story unfolds I'll probably write a follow up to this.  Until then I'd appreciate your prayer for God to make His will known.  Maybe He already has and you can pray for us to listen and obey?